Enter to Learn; Go Forth to . . . Stay?

Next August will mark ten years since I started working full time at BYU. Sometimes I see this anniversary as an achievement, and other times I see it as a gravestone marking the amount of time I’ve overstayed my welcome at the university. “Enter to learn; go forth to serve” stands as a charge to all those who come to BYU, but my “going forth” didn’t make it past the Provo city limits. While grateful as I am to be part of this incredible institution, I sometimes question the small, seemingly insignificant part I play.

By almost any measure of achievement or advancement, I feel like a failure. I did get a college degree, and I value the educational experiences I received, but my current vocation is a secretary—plain and simple. And I can’t even say I sacrificed a career to have a family. So the question that haunts me comes again to my mind: “Am I a failure, a waste of the valued resources that were spent on me? Am I just a consumer and a drain on the campus community that has sustained me for over 14 years?”

In her talk titled “Filling the Measure of Your Creation,” Sister Patricia A. Holland asks similar questions but also shares some insights that help to subdue my rising anxiety and self-cynicism. She reminds me—and all of us—that there are limitations on our present perspective: “We have to remember that it is very difficult for us to assess our own contributions accurately. . . . We don’t see our work the way God sees it.”

Sister Holland also suggests ways to see our contributions more clearly. No matter what our vocational position or family circumstance, all of us have a role to play in the work of God:

To be all that you can be, your only assignment is

 (1) to cherish your course and savor your own distinctiveness,

(2) to shut out conflicting voices and listen to the voice within, which is God telling you who you are and what you will be, and

(3) to free yourself from the love of profession, position, or the approval of men by remembering that what God really wants us to be is someone’s sister, someone’s brother, and someone’s friend.

I may not have children, but I’m fortunate to be part of many family units including work, church, and friend groups. They are part of my extended family, and with guidance and help from the Lord, I can do my part to take care of the people I cherish. I can be a dependable sister, a trustworthy coworker, and an engaging friend. We each have unique opportunities to serve and connect with the people around us. Even though I still go through cycles of self-doubt and disappointment, I am grateful for the time I have to learn, grow, and improve.

—Niki Tenegan

Nikilani Tengan is the full-time secretary at BYU Publications & Graphics. She relishes the opportunity to work with innovative and hardworking people and has learned a lot from watching the work that goes into producing creative communications. She thinks her coworkers are so clever that she’s compiling a quote book documenting some of their quick wit.