I should start by confessing I will likely cry. I am a therapist. I can\u2019t help it; emotion is what I do. But in my defense, I bet no one on this campus looks more like Bronco Mendenhall than I do, and we all know he is very manly. Wait for the hat and the super-serious stare. Do you see what I mean? When we first moved to Utah, two of our children were walking around campus, and they saw Bronco. Our then thirteen-year-old daughter said, \u201cDad, you do look just like him\u2014minus the muscles.\u201d<\/p>\n
Notwithstanding my emotional or physical condition during this talk, please remember as I speak today that it is never about the messenger; it is about the message. I pray I can remember what Martin Luther King Jr. said to himself before his first speech at the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church: \u201cKeep Martin Luther King in the background and God in the foreground and everything will be all right. Remember you are a channel of the gospel and not the source.\u201d1<\/sup><\/p>\n On that note, I want you to know how much I am humbled by this opportunity. I have tremendous respect for the BYU devotional experience. I have for years read, listened to, and benefited from BYU devotionals. I keep a long list of talks in a file that I give out to clients, family members, friends, and young adults like you. I have seen many times that healing, hope, and peace can come through the word of God, or, as Jacob said, \u201cthe pleasing word of God, . . . which healeth the wounded soul\u201d (Jacob 2:8<\/a>).<\/p>\n For that reason I felt perhaps the most helpful thing I can do is simply provide a list of resources in the endnotes of this talk. I hope these references will help you, your family, your friends, bishops, and therapists as we all try to deal with the adversities of life and find healing. I have organized the references by topic (for example, adversity, depression, anxiety, pornography, and same-gender attraction) and have listed the talks (most often BYU devotionals) that might be helpful to some reader in the future. Throughout this talk I will reference many different authors and highlight additional reading that may be helpful for those who are interested. Please take the time to read through the endnotes. I know that healing can be found as we listen to and read words of wisdom and apply the true principles found therein.<\/p>\n That brings me to today\u2019s topic: healing. We all need healing. For some of us that need is great today. There are likely among us those who are brokenhearted because a relationship has ended badly. Others are in pain because their parents have decided to divorce or a loved one has renounced the Church. Some have learned recently that they have a chronic illness, and others have just relapsed into addictive behavior for what seems like the hundredth time. I would guess that there are some today who have wondered if depression or anxiety will always be a suffocating influence in their lives, while other students are going through a loss that seems both unfair and unrelenting. Others are drowning in loneliness and isolation while still others are constantly placed on the margins, even here at BYU.<\/p>\n Perhaps these folks look or talk or feel different from what may be considered \u201cthe norm.\u201d This group is broader than we may think and often includes new converts; those who experience same-gender attraction; those who are fortunate enough to have diversity in their ethnic, racial, or cultural background (please see the topic section \u201cDiversity\u2014Its Value and Worth to BYU and the Church\u201d at the end of the talk); or those who do not like to sing songs about eternal and happy families because that has not been their experience. Even the greatest among us, Jesus Christ, experienced betrayal, mocking, abandonment, loss of loved ones, and physical pain as part of His mortal experience.<\/p>\n My hope today is to encourage you that healing is possible if you apply the principles that lead to healing. I will try to explain clearly\u2014and I ask for your prayers that we can understand one another by the Spirit\u2014three principles that can lead to healing and to knowing that all healing is a gift from Jesus Christ, for, as Isaiah said, \u201cwith his stripes we are healed\u201d (Isaiah 53:5<\/a>).<\/p>\n My talk is entitled \u201cHealing = Courage + Action + Grace.\u201d And in honor of Martin Luther King Jr., who was recently listed in Ted Stewart\u2019s The Mark of a Giant<\/i>2<\/sup> as one of seven people who changed the world, I start with an example from his life that so clearly highlights these principles. Look for courage, action, and grace as I read his words:<\/p>\n Almost immediately after the<\/i> [bus boycott] started we had begun to receive threatening telephone calls and letters. They increased as time went on. . . .<\/i><\/p>\n One night . . . I couldn\u2019t sleep. It seemed that all of my fears had come down on me at once. . . .<\/i><\/p>\n . . . I had heard these things before, but for some reason that night it got to me. . . . I went to the kitchen and . . . I sat there and thought about a beautiful little daughter who had just been born. . . . I started thinking about a dedicated and loyal wife, who was over there asleep. And she could be taken from me, or I could be taken from her. And I got to the point that I couldn\u2019t take it any longer. . . . With my head in my hands, I bowed over the kitchen table and prayed aloud . . . : \u201cLord, I\u2019m down here trying to do what\u2019s right. I think I\u2019m right. I am here taking a stand for what I believe is right. But Lord, I must confess that I\u2019m weak now, I\u2019m faltering. I\u2019m losing my courage. Now, I am afraid. . . . I have nothing left. I\u2019ve come to the point where I can\u2019t face it alone.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n It seemed as though I could hear the quiet assurance of an inner voice saying: \u201cMartin Luther, stand up for righteousness. Stand up for justice. Stand up for truth. And lo, I will be with you. Even until the end of the world.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n I tell you . . . I heard the voice of Jesus saying still to fight on. He promised never to leave me alone. At that moment I experienced the presence of the Divine as I had never experienced Him before. Almost at once my fears began to go. My uncertainty disappeared. I was ready to face anything.<\/i>3<\/sup><\/p>\n Can you see in this example the pathway to healing? Courage to face a difficult situation and stand for truth, acting in faith by turning to God in prayer, and peace and strength from the Lord through His grace\u2014courage, action, grace.<\/p>\n What then is healing, and why should we seek it? My favorite talk on the subject of healing is a BYU devotional given by Elaine S. Marshall in 2002 entitled \u201cLearning the Healer\u2019s Art<\/a>.\u201d I strongly recommend you study it. I assign it in every class I teach, from undergraduate to doctoral level. I suggest you read it more than once. Listen closely to her definition of healing:<\/p>\n On<\/i> [my] first day as a nurse, I assumed cure, care, and healing to be synonymous. I have learned they are not the same. Healing is not cure. Cure is clean, quick, and done\u2014often under anesthesia. . . . Healing, however, is often a lifelong process of recovery and growth in spite of, maybe because of,<\/b> enduring physical, emotional, or spiritual assault. It requires time. . . .<\/i><\/p>\n . . . It requires all the energy of your entire being. You have to be there, fully awake, aware, and participating when it happens.<\/i>4<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n Healing is much more than \u201cgetting better\u201d or \u201chaving our problems go away.\u201d Healing is growth, development, and maturation. In a word, healing is change. It takes time and energy and struggle, but healing teaches us. As Marshall said:<\/p>\n Healing can help us to become more sensitive and more awake to life. . . . Healing invites gifts of humility and faith. It opens our hearts to . . . truth, beauty, . . . and grace. <\/i>5<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n But remember, even with all that beauty and growth and grace, healing does hurt.<\/p>\n Some people I have had the privilege of working with over the years have had a hard time reconciling the fact that healing requires suffering and yet is a gift from our Savior. How is it that a loving God would allow us to suffer? I have come to realize that my Savior cares more about my growth than He does about my comfort. One evidence of His love is that He does not spare me from the suffering I need for my development and progression, even when I get mad at Him. As a client once told me, \u201cI used to feel guilty for getting mad at God. Then I realized He can handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n And, unlike other humans, He does not punish me when I am mad or hold a grudge or remind me of it the next time my heart is right and I ask for His help.<\/p>\n I love how Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, described healing:<\/p>\n Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a \u201chealing\u201d . . . lifts our burden. But sometimes we are \u201chealed\u201d by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us. <\/i>6<\/sup><\/a><\/p>\n As we consider the key components for healing, let us remember that, in the end, healing is a gift from our Savior that will likely require effort and suffering on our part so that we can grow and develop through our struggles. The gift is often the refinement we experience in the process.<\/p>\n Let me give you one example from one of my heroes. When the relatively young Nelson Mandela first entered prison, he was described by his peers as too \u201cemotional\u201d (meaning he lacked self-control), \u201cpassionate\u201d (meaning he had a temper), and \u201cquickly stung\u201d (easily offended), but when he left prison twenty-seven years later, the words he would use to describe himself were \u201cbalanced,\u201d \u201cmeasured,\u201d and \u201ccontrolled.\u201d 7<\/sup> As Richard Stengel noted in his excellent book on lessons learned from Mandela, \u201cNelson Mandela had many teachers in his life, but the greatest of them all was prison.\u201d8<\/sup> When he was pestered about how prison had changed him, Mandela simply said, \u201cI came out mature.\u201d 9<\/sup><\/p>\n Was prison a healing experience for Mandela? It depends on how you describe healing. As described in Elder Oaks\u2019 words, Mandela developed in prison the strength, understanding, and patience necessary to bear the burdens that were placed on him. What were those burdens? In the midst of decades of violent and hate-filled conflict, Mandela left prison to lead two groups into the miraculously peaceful development of a democracy, preventing the loss of hundreds of thousands of lives in a bloody civil war. Is that healing? I would say yes. Mandela\u2019s personal healing fostered nationwide healing. His life is an example of how courage, action, and grace lead to healing.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s shift our focus for a moment to courage. Simply defined, true \u201ccourage is not the absence of fear; it is the making of action in spite of fear.\u201d 10<\/sup> In order for healing to occur, we have to be courageous enough to move forward when we are afraid. I have chosen three examples in which courage is needed for healing to occur.<\/p>\n First, we have to be courageous to face the truth regarding what needs to change in our lives. This type of intense introspection requires tremendous honesty with ourselves. As Jesus said, \u201cYe shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free\u201d (John 8:32<\/a>; see also 2 Nephi 28:28<\/a>), but that is usually only after it hurts us first. Most of what I know about the courage to heal I have learned from clients. I have noticed among those who do find healing a real commitment to learning the truth about themselves, which is never easy.<\/p>\n I once asked a client if he really wanted to change\u2014if he wanted to change badly enough to hear the truth about his role in his marriage. He said yes, so I told him I thought he was a diva who interacted with his wife from a selfish and entitled place. I was impressed with his response to me. After a chuckle he said, \u201cYou are probably right, and I do not want to be a diva anymore. I want someone to call me out on my stuff, and I want to change.\u201d He was back the next week ready to work. I appreciated his courage. It takes courage to be honest with ourselves.<\/p>\n Second, it takes tremendous courage to be congruent\u2014to live a life in which our public and private priorities are in sync and in which what we experience on the inside is consistent with what we show on the outside. I like what marriage and family therapist William J. Doherty said about integrity. He stated, \u201cIntegrity is harmony between our moral beliefs and our actions.\u201d 11<\/sup><\/p>\n I learned this lesson the hard way when a colleague at Syracuse University gave me some pointed and painful feedback. After one faculty meeting he said to me, \u201cIt must be exhausting being you, living a two-faced life.\u201d<\/p>\n When I asked him what he meant, he explained, \u201cI cannot believe that the guy I see at work, who seems to say anything that will help him fit into the group he is with, is the same guy who attends church on Sunday.\u201d<\/p>\n A little context may help with this story. I was hired at Syracuse as a twenty-eight-year-old recent graduate who was a white male conservative Christian working in a liberal, social activist program.<\/p>\n Unfortunately my colleague was correct. I desperately wanted to fit in and was unsure about what I really thought and felt regarding socially and politically intense topics like same-gender marriage. I was posing and pretending to try to fit in. As James in the New Testament said, \u201cA double minded man is unstable in all his ways\u201d (James 1:8<\/a>).<\/p>\n My colleague\u2019s feedback became more personal, for both him and for me, as he went on to say, \u201cLook, as a black man, if the Ku Klux Klan came to town, I know you would hide me in your basement, but as soon as they came to your door, you would turn me over to save yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n In essence, my colleague was saying, \u201cI do not trust you because you do not have the courage to be congruent in all settings.\u201d<\/p>\n It took time to internalize that feedback and realize he was right. I had to figure out what I believed\u2014not what my parents had said was right or the Church or my employer, but what I believed was right. I had to get right between God and me. Then I had to learn to live congruently so that my actions were in harmony with my moral beliefs\u2014which took courage.<\/p>\n But oh, how refreshing it is to live a life of integrity! Healing requires the courage to find out that what we believe is true and live according to that truth. As the therapist Bren\u00e9 Brown has astutely observed:<\/p>\n Trying to co-opt or win over someone . . . is always a mistake, because it means trading in your authenticity for approval. You stop believing in your worthiness and start hustling for it. <\/i>12<\/sup><\/p>\n I have learned over the years that posturing, posing, peacocking, and pretending are exhausting and bring unhappiness. Having the courage to be congruent brings a settled and peaceful feeling. I like what Elijah in the Old Testament said about congruence: \u201cHow long halt ye between two opinions? if the Lord be God, follow him\u201d (1 Kings 18:21<\/a>).<\/p>\n Third, we have to develop the courage to live counter to the world\u2019s dominant culture. You know what I am talking about\u2014the culture in which money, sex, material possessions, fame, violent behavior, and carnal exploits are the currency for success. We live in a world in which appearance and approval are the keys to social status and power. 13<\/sup> In order to find healing, we have to develop the courage to say no to this dominant culture. I love what Morrie Schwartz said to Mitch Albom about living counter to the culture in the book Tuesdays with Morrie:<\/i><\/p>\n The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We\u2019re teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn\u2019t work, don\u2019t buy it. Create your own. <\/i>14<\/sup><\/p>\n A number of wonderful BYU devotionals have described the unhealthy culture of perceived perfectionism and how we have to fight against it. In two devotionals given last year, both Tyler J. Jarvis<\/a> and Kristin L. Matthews<\/a> encouraged us to be more accepting of our imperfections and to be more pleased with our best approximations, our bodies, our gifts, and our differences. I encourage you to reread their talks. 15<\/sup><\/p>\n Listen to what President Thomas S. Monson said about having the courage to live by truth and to avoid the unhealthy dominant culture:<\/p>\n Let us have the courage to defy the consensus, the courage to stand for principle. Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God\u2019s approval. . . . A moral coward is one who is afraid to do what he thinks is right because others will disapprove or laugh. <\/i>16<\/sup><\/p>\n In her delightful way, author and devoted mother and grandmother Marjorie Pay Hinckley described the peace that comes when we refuse to compare and despair, as the dominant culture teaches:<\/p>\n Fifty was my favorite age. It takes about that long to learn to quit competing\u2014to be yourself and settle down to living. It is the age I would like to be through all eternity! <\/i>17<\/sup><\/p>\n In order to find healing, we have to develop the courage to avoid the culture that says there is only one acceptable way (i.e., a specific size, hair color, or ACT score) to be a good person or even a good Christian. There are many, many ways to be a righteous, positive influence in the world. If enough of us say no to the dominant culture, it will lose its power (see Joshua 1:9<\/a>). 18<\/sup><\/p>\n This brings us to the next part of the equation of courage + action + grace = healing.<\/p>\n Action is essential to healing. To act instead of merely being acted upon was a key issue in the War in Heaven before we came to this earth (see Revelation 12:7\u201311<\/a>). According to the scriptures, \u201cGod gave unto man [and woman] that [they] should act for [themselves]\u201d (2 Nephi 2:16<\/a>), but Satan \u201csought to destroy the agency of man\u201d (Moses 4:3<\/a>). When pondering these scriptures, I realized that when I choose to be inactive or place myself in a state of being acted upon, I give Satan greater power in my life.<\/p>\n A number of scriptures describe clearly the need to act and not be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:26<\/a>; D&C 43:8\u20139<\/a>), 19<\/sup> but how is action related to healing? I have come to see that action is the point at which belief turns into faith. When we act in faith, moving ahead on a good path, we open the door to grace. Having the courage to act opens the door to grace, which is the key to healing. Learning to act in faith is one of the great challenges of mortality. 20<\/sup><\/p>\n What then are the major roadblocks to acting in faith? I would suggest that procrastination and fear are two of Satan\u2019s greatest tools to keep us in the \u201cacted upon\u201d position. If Satan can convince us that our fear is too great to be able to act or that to act is a great idea but we should do it later, he can prevent us from opening the door to grace.<\/p>\n Think about how he does this. Maybe you tell yourself, \u201cI totally plan on getting married. It is a great idea and I am pro-marriage, but I have to do these other things first.\u201d<\/p>\n Or, \u201cMy life is in a holding pattern right now. I am not sure where I should go or what I should do until I get married. I am stuck.\u201d 21<\/sup><\/p>\n Or, \u201cI know this problem I have [insert pornography, 22<\/sup> eating patterns, or anxiety] needs to be fixed, but I have too much to do right now to put the time and energy into addressing it.\u201d<\/p>\n Or, \u201cI cannot go to my bishop to resolve this sin because I am afraid he will see how far I have fallen and he will not want or will not be able to help me.\u201d<\/p>\n Can you see how effective procrastination and fear are in meeting Satan\u2019s objectives in our lives?<\/p>\n Remember, the longer we remain in an inactive state, the farther we drift from the Lord and His Spirit. As C. S. Lewis astutely described, \u201cThe more often [a person] feels without acting, the less he will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel.\u201d 23<\/sup><\/p>\n How then can we overcome the tendency to procrastinate or shut down in fear? Let me propose that prayer is the simplest form of action. 24<\/sup> Remember the truth in this hymn: \u201cPrayer will change the night to day. So, when life gets dark and dreary, Don\u2019t forget to pray.\u201d 25<\/sup><\/p>\n When you pray, you act in faith and open the door to \u201cblessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them.\u201d 26<\/sup><\/p>\n In your prayers, be sure to speak openly, sincerely, and directly to Him who is your loving Father. Sometimes I fear our prayers are too vague and too passive to bring about the spiritual support we need.27<\/sup><\/p>\n We need to learn how to offer mighty prayer. For example, you might fervently plead, \u201cHeavenly Father, I am procrastinating again. I am getting stuck in that old pattern. Please help me to break free. Please give me the strength to just get started and then the stamina to stick with the task.\u201d<\/p>\n Or, \u201cHeavenly Father, I am totally shut down in fear. I need to move forward and act, but this prayer is all I can muster up right now. Please help me find the courage to act.\u201d<\/p>\n I promise those prayers will be heard and help will come. We call that help grace.<\/p>\n And remember, you can still act, even if you are afraid or feel like procrastinating. My favorite example of this type of action is Mother Teresa. I love this quote about her from writer Marcus Goodyear:<\/p>\n Mother Teresa doubted. Her spirit wavered. . . . Some days she questioned herself. Some days she questioned God.<\/i><\/p>\n And this is the biggest encouragement of all. Even Mother Teresa had doubts. . . . Her doubt gives me hope; not that my own doubt will go away but that feelings of doubt are not as powerful as a faithful decision to act.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n I may doubt, but I still pray. I still go to church. I still worship. . . .<\/i><\/p>\n Doubt is a feeling, but faith chooses to act no matter our feelings. <\/i>28<\/sup><\/p>\n Another great example of acting in the face of understandable fear is Rosa Parks. 29<\/sup> Over the last three years I have had the privilege of coteaching a civil rights course and visiting historical sites central to the civil rights movement. One of my favorite sites to visit is the Rosa Parks Museum. Mrs. Parks is known for her courageous stand on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama, when she refused to give up her seat. Until visiting her museum and reading more about her life, I did not realize that numerous African Americans had been beaten, arrested, raped, or shot in Montgomery during the decade before her refusal to give up her seat\u2014all for taking a similar stance to Mrs. Parks\u2019 action.<\/p>\n In my study of her, I have learned that Mrs. Parks was courageously acting long before that winter day in 1955. For example, she served as secretary in the local chapter of the NAACP and was a vigorous advocate for justice for black women who had been brutally raped in the South. However, as will be our experience, most of her courageous acts were unknown and unheralded. In the case of the bus boycott, she was in the right place at the right time, willing to do the right thing, which helped bring needed change to our country.<\/p>\n I have since asked myself, \u201cAm I in the right place doing the right thing, willing to act as God prompts so I can do the work He has given me?\u201d Listen to how one biographer described Mrs. Parks\u2019 courage to act: \u201cParks made an active choice in that instance. . . . In a moment designed to frighten and degrade, she was able to see herself as an agent and claim a space of choice.\u201d 30<\/sup> I love that phrase \u201csee herself as an agent and claim a space of choice.\u201d When we have the courage to act, we open the door to healing. Mrs. Parks\u2019 courageous act opened the door to the civil rights movement, a movement that brought a large measure of needed healing to this country.<\/p>\n That brings us to the final part of the equation\u2014healing = courage + action + grace. What is grace? I love the definition provided by David A. Bednar in a devotional given while he was president of BYU\u2013Idaho. He quoted the Bible Dictionary, which states that grace can be defined as<\/p>\n divine means of help or strength,<\/b> given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.<\/i><\/p>\n . . . It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals . . . receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power.<\/b><\/i> 31<\/sup><\/p>\n After reading this definition, President Bednar then added, \u201cThus the enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity.\u201d 32<\/sup><\/p>\n The scriptures are full of examples of the grace of Jesus Christ as He ministered to people struggling to do and be good but coming up short. The scriptures teach of Him reaching out to His people at their breaking point and providing strength, patience, joy, comfort, assurances, peace, faith, hope, courage, and determination and even wiping away the tears from their eyes (see Mosiah 24:13\u201316<\/a>; Alma 31:31\u201338<\/a>, 58:9\u201312<\/a>; Revelation 21:4<\/a>). The grace of Jesus Christ, His bounteous mercy and love, is available to us if we but have the courage to reach out to Him. 33<\/sup><\/p>\n Sometimes that grace comes directly through the Holy Ghost, and we can feel His clear and specific love for us. Sometimes that grace comes as Christ touches another person\u2019s heart and prompts her or him to share, bless, and uplift another. In other words, grace is often made manifest through the courage and action of a person who reaches out to serve another. Let me give you an example of the principle of reaching out from the childhood of Thomas S. Monson, the president of the Church:<\/p>\n Again Christmastime had come. We were preparing for the oven a gigantic turkey and anticipating the savory feast that awaited. A neighborhood pal of mine asked a startling question: \u201cWhat does turkey taste like?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n I responded, \u201cOh, about like chicken tastes.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n Again a question: \u201cWhat does chicken taste like?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n It was then that I realized my friend had never eaten chicken or turkey. I asked what his family was going to have for Christmas dinner. There was no prompt response, just a downcast glance and the comment, \u201cI dunno. There\u2019s nothing in the house.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n I pondered a solution. There was none. I had no turkeys, no chickens, no money. Then I remembered I did have two pet rabbits. Immediately I took them to my friend and handed the box to him with the comment, \u201cHere, take these two rabbits. They\u2019re good to eat\u2014just like chicken.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n He took the box, climbed the fence, and headed for home\u2014a Christmas dinner safely assured. Tears came easily to me as I closed the door to the empty rabbit hutch. But I was not sad. A warmth, a feeling of indescribable joy, filled my heart. It was a memorable Christmas. <\/i>34<\/sup><\/p>\n President Monson was a minister of grace (see 1 Peter 4:10<\/a>), and we can be one too.<\/p>\n Grace is the power by which healing occurs. In every aspect of His mortal and postmortal ministry, Christ went about healing all manner of afflictions (see Matthew 9:18\u201325<\/a>; 3 Nephi 17:9<\/a>). His part is to be our atoning Savior, and our part is to be courageous enough to act. He then provides the grace and healing. However, sometimes we may not appreciate the manifestations of His grace because healing blessings do not always come in the form we ask. Sometimes His grace is made manifest by letting us sit and struggle with an issue. <\/i>Again, our Heavenly Father and Savior are more interested in our growth and progression than in our comfort and convenience. 35<\/sup> Moments of struggle often bring the greatest growth. 36<\/sup><\/p>\n Permit me to illustrate this point with an example from the life of my sweetheart and best friend, Sharon. In April 2002, Sharon\u2019s fifty-six-year-old father, Mike, suffered a major heart attack one day at work. As a result of a lack of oxygen to the brain, he was in a coma for a week. Many friends and family members prayed and fasted, he received multiple blessings, and his name was placed on the prayer roll at multiple temples, but, regardless of these efforts, it was his time to die (see D&C 42:43\u201348<\/a>). As the months passed, we came to some measure of peace regarding his early and unexpected death.<\/p>\n At the time, Sharon was working with the young children at church as the Primary president. It was her turn to teach the children, and the topic was \u201cGod Hears and Answers My Prayers.\u201d We talked a lot about that lesson and the dilemma it presented for her, and Doctrine and Covenants 18:18 and 88:64 were particularly helpful at the time.<\/p>\n My wife said, \u201cI know God hears and answers our prayers, but if in the end He is going to do what is His will, why should I pray for what I want and need? My dad died anyway because it was God\u2019s will. My prayers have not been the same since he died.\u201d<\/p>\n If you have not yet experienced that kind of despair in your prayers, you likely will. 37<\/sup> For some of you that moment is now.<\/p>\n So what did Sharon teach the children? Up until the night before she was not sure what to say. When the day came, she simply taught, through her tears, \u201cI know that God hears and answers every prayer. He does not always give us the answer we want, and that really hurts. But I believe you will do better in your life by praying than by not praying. That is why I pray every day.\u201d<\/p>\n Acting on true principles, even when your heart says otherwise, takes true courage. And as a result, Sharon received a measure of healing that day through the grace of Jesus Christ. One of my favorite parts about being married to Sharon\u2014and there are many\u2014is to listen to her pray in faith for our children, extended family, and others in need. She knows how to talk to Heavenly Father.<\/p>\n As my friend Ty Mansfield has described in one of the stories profiled on the Church\u2019s website mormonsandgays.org, if we can just stay with God, trust Him, and keep doing the things that bring the Spirit into our lives, then light and healing can enter, even though at the moment things look dark and gloomy. 38<\/sup> Whether the struggle is same-gender attraction, a crisis of faith, an addiction, or a deep sense of loneliness, just stay with God. Trust Him. There is light and love ahead (see D&C 50:23\u201325<\/a>). 39<\/sup> Again, if we can muster up the courage and take action, Christ provides the grace: courage + action + grace = healing.<\/p>\n By way of conclusion and testimony, I know that Jesus Christ is the great Healer. Over many years, in numerous settings, I have seen wounds of horrific abuse, long-standing addiction, loss that has shattered the soul, and heartache beyond description be addressed, overcome, and resolved through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know He is a real, living, loving God. I love and honor Him. I know His grace is sufficient\u2014meaning big or powerful enough\u2014to help us with all our problems. I know His promises to us are real and true. He can and will cleanse and heal us as He has said (see Ezekiel 36:25\u201328<\/a>). In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.<\/p>\n Notes<\/strong><\/p>\n 1. Martin Luther King Jr., The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr., <\/i>ed. Clayborne Carson (New York: Intellectual Properties Management in association with Warner Books, 2001), 42\u201343. This book was compiled thirty years after Martin Luther King Jr.\u2019s death and is a beautiful representation of his words and thoughts.<\/p>\n 2. See Ted Stewart, The Mark of a Giant: Seven People Who Changed the World<\/i> (Salt Lake City: Shadow Mountain, 2013). I very much enjoyed this book, and I strongly recommend it to those who like biographies.<\/p>\n 3. King, Autobiography, <\/i>76\u201378.<\/p>\n 4. Elaine S. Marshall, \u201cLearning the Healer\u2019s Art<\/a>,\u201d BYU devotional address, 8 October 2002; emphasis added.<\/p>\n 5. Marshall, \u201cLearning the Healer\u2019s Art.\u201d<\/p>\n 6. Dallin H. Oaks, \u201cHe Heals the Heavy Laden<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 2006, 7\u20138.<\/p>\n 7. Richard Stengel, Mandela\u2019s Way: Fifteen Lessons on Life, Love, and Courage<\/i> (New York: Crown Publishers, 2009), 15.<\/p>\n 8. Stengel, Mandela\u2019s Way, <\/i>14.<\/p>\n 9. Stengel, Mandela\u2019s Way, <\/i>17. For other great references on the inspiring yet imperfect life of Nelson Mandela and the healing = courage + action + grace transfiguration of South Africa, I recommend John Carlin, Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela and the Game That Made a Nation<\/i> (New York: Penguin Press, 2008), as well as Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela<\/i> (Boston: Little, Brown, 1994), which is quite lengthy but excellent. Sports enthusiasts will love ESPN\u2019s 30 for 30<\/i> episode from 2010 called \u201cThe 16th Man,\u201d a tremendous documentary on Mandela\u2019s role in the 1995 Rugby World Cup and its positive influence on South Africa.<\/p>\n 10. M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth<\/i> (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1978), 131; see also Rollo May, The Courage to Create<\/i> (New York: Norton, 1975), 12.<\/p>\n 11. William J. Doherty, Soul Searching: Why Psychotherapy Must Promote Moral Responsibility<\/i> (New York: Basic Books, 1995), 71.<\/p>\n 12. C. Bren\u00e9 Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You\u2019re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are<\/i> (Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden, 2010), 9.<\/p>\n 13. For an excellent description of these self\u2011defeating beliefs and how they bring misery, see page 106 of David D. Burns, When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life<\/i> (New York: Broadway Books, 2006):<\/p>\n 1. Performance Perfectionism.<\/b> I must never fail or make a mistake.<\/i><\/p>\n 2. Perceived Perfectionism.<\/b> People won\u2019t love or accept me if I\u2019m flawed or vulnerable.<\/i><\/p>\n 3. Achievement Addiction.<\/b> My worth as a human being depends on my achievements, intelligence, talent, status, income, or looks.<\/i><\/p>\n This citation is listed in the reference list under depression and anxiety. We seem to specialize in these three self-defeating beliefs here at BYU, but all of us can change the way we see things to a healthier and more compassionate perspective.<\/p>\n 14. Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life\u2019s Greatest Lesson<\/i> (New York: Doubleday, 1997), 35\u201336. This beautiful little book is a must-read that I have assigned in many classes. I would also recommend the movie by the same title, starring Jack Lemmon and Hank Azaria and produced by Oprah Winfrey. It is wonderful. A quote from page 43 is also instructive:<\/p>\n So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they\u2019re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they\u2019re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.<\/i><\/p>\n 15. See Tyler J. Jarvis, \u201cThat\u2019s How the Light Gets In<\/a>,\u201d BYU devotional address, 9 July 2013, and also Kristin L. Matthews, \u201cThe Worth of Souls Is Great<\/a>,\u201d BYU devotional address, 6 August 2013; see also Jeffry H. Larson, \u201cWhat Do You Expect?: A Key to Personal Happiness<\/a>,\u201d BYU devotional address, 14 July 2009.<\/p>\n 16. Thomas S. Monson, \u201cThe Call for Courage,<\/a>\u201d Ensign,<\/i> May 2004, 55\u201356.<\/p>\n 17. Marjorie Pay Hinckley, Small and Simple Things<\/i> (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2003), 50.<\/p>\n 18. For a delightful children\u2019s book on overcoming the dominant culture\u2019s view and on learning to trust how the Lord sees us, read Max Lucado, You Are Special<\/i> (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway Books, 1997).<\/p>\n 19. See David A. Bednar, \u201cWatching with All Perseverance<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 2010, 40\u201343. Elder David A. Bednar, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, taught on page 42 this principle (the importance of acting) repeatedly and with power:<\/p>\n In the grand division of all of God\u2019s creations, there are \u201cthings to act and things to be acted upon\u201d (2 Nephi 2:14<\/a>). As children of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity and power of independent action. Endowed with agency, we are agents, and we primarily are to act and not merely be acted upon.<\/i><\/p>\n 20. See Boyd K. Packer, \u201cThe Edge of the Light,\u201d BYU Today, <\/i>March 1991, 22\u201324, 38\u201343; see also Boyd K. Packer, The Holy Temple<\/i> (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1980), 184.<\/p>\n In his great BYU fireside address \u201cThe Edge of the Light,\u201d given on March 4, 1990, President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles described a moment (on pages 22\u201323) in which he learned the importance of acting in faith:<\/p>\n Shortly after I was called as a General Authority, I went to Elder Harold B. Lee for counsel. He listened very carefully to my problem and suggested that I see President David O. McKay. President McKay counseled me as to the direction I should go. I was very willing to be obedient but saw no way possible for me to do as he counseled me to do.<\/i><\/p>\n I returned to Elder Lee and told him that I saw no way to move in the direction I was counseled to go. He said, \u201cThe trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning.\u201d I replied that I would like to see at least a step or two ahead. Then came the lesson of a lifetime: \u201cYou must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n That, in essence, is the definition of acting in faith.<\/p>\n 21. For an excellent book on the need to keep living and acting, the need to develop a wonderful life while living a single life, read Kristen McMain Oaks, A Single Voice: The Unexpected Life Is No Less a Life<\/i> (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2008). This book has been very helpful for a number of young single adult sisters.<\/p>\n 22. Over many years clients have told me again and again that the most helpful talk they have seen about pornography is James M. Harper, \u201cSecret Shame: Isolation from Self,\u201d a talk given at a BYU Cyber Secrets conference, Cyber Secrets: The Problem of Pornography, 18 February 2003, youtube.com\/watch?v=kzNKTOPVKZM. This talk helps us understand that pornography is used as an escape from difficult or unpleasant emotional experiences. Most often pornography use is not an issue of hypersexuality, per se, but an issue of ineffective coping strategies for the difficulties of life. Most men I have worked with who look at pornography do it to cope because they do not have other healthy coping skills. Unfortunately, the use turns into a cycle of shame and acting out, as described by Dr. Harper. Please listen to the talk if you want to understand more and begin to heal. Also, there are a number of very helpful Book of Mormon scriptures that describe the process of deliverance in which the Lord delivers His people from bondage. Pay close attention to your part in the process of deliverance (see Mosiah 7:33<\/a>; Mosiah 29:19\u201320<\/a>; 3 Nephi 4:30\u201333<\/a>). You may wish to also look up all the scriptures in the Topical Guide under \u201cdeliver, deliverance.\u201d<\/p>\n 23. C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters<\/i> (New York: Macmillan, 1977), 61 (end of chapter 13).<\/p>\n 24. For a wonderful BYU devotional address on prayer, see Bruce D. Porter, \u201cDid You Think to Pray<\/a>?\u201d 4 December 2012.<\/p>\n 25. \u201cDid You Think to Pray?<\/a> Hymns, <\/i>2002, no. 140.<\/p>\n 26. Bible Dictionary, s.v. \u201cprayer,<\/a>\u201d 753.<\/p>\n 27. I have found Mary Jane Woodger\u2019s article on mighty prayer to be very helpful in teaching me how to pray with more sincerity, directness, and power. It is entitled \u201cWhat I Have Learned About Mighty Prayer<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>December 2006, 54\u201357. See also Richard G. Scott, \u201cUsing the Supernal Gift of Prayer<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 2007, 8\u201311.<\/p>\n 28. Marcus Goodyear, \u201cMother Teresa, CEO: Doubt Is Not Despair If You Act,\u201d 8 July 2011, retrieved from patheos.com\/blogs\/takeandread\/2011\/07\/mother-teresa-ceo-doubt-is-not-despair-if-you-act; emphasis in original.<\/p>\n For another excellent work on the inspiring life of Mother Teresa in her own words, see Mother Teresa, A Simple Path, <\/i>comp. Lucinda Vardey (New York: Ballantine Books, 1995). You might also like Leo Maasburg, Mother Teresa of Calcutta: A Personal Portrait, <\/i>trans. Michael J. Miller (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2011). Mother Teresa was also listed as one of seven giants in chapter 7 of Ted Stewart, The Mark of a Giant. <\/i>Stewart\u2019s chapter on Mother Teresa (pages 206\u201339) is an excellent description of her life.<\/p>\n 29. When I was a sophomore at BYU in the early 1990s, Mrs. Rosa Parks visited campus to give a talk. I can tell you this: even as a young man with no real understanding of her place in history, I was overpowered by her presence and the greatness of her character. There was something electric in the air when she spoke. She was a small woman, advanced in age at the time, but she was powerful. It was a wonderful moment to be in her presence and to know that BYU had brought her to campus to share a message. I had no idea at that time how she would come to influence my life.<\/p>\n 30. Jeanne Theoharis, The Rebellious Life of Mrs. Rosa Parks<\/i> (Boston: Beacon Press, 2013), 68.<\/p>\n 31. Bible Dictionary, s.v. \u201cgrace<\/a>,\u201d 697; emphasis added.<\/p>\n 32. David A. Bednar, \u201cIn the Strength of the Lord,\u201d BYU\u2013Idaho devotional address, 8 January 2002.<\/p>\n 33. I love this quote by Martin Luther King Jr. about the closeness we can feel to the Lord in the midst of struggles:<\/p>\n In recent months I have also become more and more convinced of the reality of a personal God. . . . Perhaps the suffering, frustration and agonizing moments which I have had to undergo occasionally as a result of my involvement in a difficult struggle have drawn me closer to God. Whatever the cause, God has been profoundly real to me in recent months. In the midst of outer dangers I have felt an inner calm and known resources of strength that only God could give. In many instances I have felt the power of God transforming the fatigue of despair into the buoyancy of hope. <\/i>[\u201cPilgrimage to Nonviolence\u201d (1960), in I Have a Dream: Writings and Speeches That Changed the World, <\/i>ed. James Melvin Washington (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1992), 61; see also chapter 6 on Martin Luther King Jr. in Stewart, Mark of a Giant, <\/i>157\u2013205]<\/p>\n 34. Thomas S. Monson, \u201cFirst Presidency Message: Christmas Gifts, Christmas Blessings,<\/a>\u201d Ensign, <\/i>December 1995, 4.<\/p>\n 35. This principle was beautifully illustrated in C. Shane Reese, \u201cOn the Measurements We Make in Life<\/a>,\u201d BYU devotional address, 12 November 2013. In his talk Shane Reese described a difficult decision that weighed on the Reese family. Should he continue to teach at BYU or take his dream job as a statistician for an NFL football team? After much pondering, discussion, and prayer, Brother and Sister Reese decided to flip a coin. After the flip, the coin came to rest against a wall, directly on its side! He went on to describe:<\/p>\n We laughed (and cried) together<\/i> [and realized] we had work left to do, and the Lord was not going to allow us to miss out on a growth opportunity. We . . . had one of the most powerful weeks of our married lives together as a trip to the temple and additional fervent prayer and fasting helped us. . . . We had a sweet and precious learning experience that the Lord had in store for us\u2014on His timescale.<\/i><\/p>\n Can you see the Lord\u2019s grace made manifest in allowing the Reese family to struggle a bit longer with a key decision? They found courage to act in faith, even amidst uncertainty, and the Lord\u2019s grace was made manifest.<\/p>\n I have also found S. Michael Wilcox\u2019s little book When Your Prayers Seem Unanswered<\/i> (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2006) to be very helpful in explaining why the Lord sometimes waits until \u201cthe fourth watch\u201d (Matthew 14:25<\/a>) to come to us.<\/p>\n 36. For a beautiful and touching example of faith, perseverance, and love during hard times, please take the time to read Dallan R. Moody, \u201cWhat Happens When Life Gets One Degree Colder<\/a>?\u201d BYU devotional address, 6 March 2012.<\/p>\n In a similar way, sometimes Christ\u2019s grace is made manifest through trimming. <\/i>I have long been inspired, and troubled, by this verse in the New Testament: \u201cEvery branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit\u201d (John 15:2<\/a>). Even if we are growing and doing well, the Lord will trim and prune us so we can bear even more fruit. Like it or not, this is a manifestation of His grace and love. We worship a God who is involved in the details of our lives. My favorite story regarding the importance of God trimming and pruning in our lives comes from President Hugh B. Brown\u2019s currant bush story in \u201cGod Is the Gardener,\u201d BYU commencement address, 31 May 1968, 6\u20137, and in Hugh B. Brown, \u201cThe Currant Bush,\u201d New Era, <\/i>January 1973, 14\u201315. In the midst of tremendous confusion, disappointment, and sadness, Hugh B. Brown turned toward God rather than away. This is a story in which there is clear evidence of the Savior\u2019s grace. The courage to act\u2014in a way that moves us toward God and not away from Him\u2014is a sure way to open the door to grace and subsequent healing.<\/p>\n 37. A few thoughts on feeling abandoned: On the list of questions I have for the Lord, if and when I make it to heaven, is why experiencing a sense of abandonment is so important to our spiritual growth. Our Savior (see Matthew 27:46<\/a>; D&C 133:50<\/a>), Joseph Smith (see D&C 121<\/a> and 122<\/a>), Mother Teresa (see Marcus Goodyear quote), and other good souls have described times in their lives when they felt abandoned by Heavenly Father. At least in Joseph Smith\u2019s case, he was pretty angry about it (see D&C 121:1\u20133<\/a>). I am not sure what the answer will be, but I do know this: if the Savior and other great and honorable people have gone through it, I can expect to as well.<\/p>\n As I have wrestled in and through my own moments of feeling forsaken, I have learned that my desire to live by true principles must be stronger than my particular emotional or spiritual state of the moment. As a client once told me in describing her childhood trauma of physical and sexual abuse, \u201cI used to see myself as a victim, but I didn\u2019t like that. I then saw myself as a survivor, but survivors have only made it through. I wanted more than that. I now see myself as a veteran, and I would like a monument placed in my honor.\u201d Somewhere on the road from victim (things happen to us outside of our control and against our will) to victor (we honorably struggled through a trial to emerge as better people) lies the thorny road of forsakenness.<\/p>\n I really like the insight provided by Elder David A. Bednar in \u201cA Reservoir of Living Water,\u201d CES fireside address, 4 February 2007, 5\u20136. This talk can bring understanding and peace in those moments when we feel abandoned. And the Richard G. Scott talk \u201cUsing the Supernal Gift of Prayer\u201d also speaks powerfully to this point.<\/p>\n 38. The divine communication from the Lord saying \u201cStay with me\u201d is described beautifully in \u201cA Personal Experience: Ty\u2019s Story\u201d at mormonsandgays.org. I recommend this story because it powerfully describes a path of courage, action, and healing. I thank Ty for his ongoing strength and courage.<\/p>\n 39. For an excellent talk on the love and grace of God in our lives, see Terence M. Vinson, \u201cDrawing Closer to God<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 2013, 104\u20136.<\/p>\n Additional References By Topic<\/b><\/p>\n Carlfred Broderick, The Uses of Adversity<\/i> (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2008); also included as chapter 12 in Broderick, My Parents Married on a Dare: And Other Favorite Essays on Life<\/i> (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1996), 121\u201343.<\/p>\n Gene R. Cook, \u201cThe Love of God: Suffering Tribulation in the Redeemer\u2019s Name,\u201d BYU devotional address, 1 February 2005.<\/p>\n Jeffrey R. and Patricia T. Holland, \u201cHowever Long and Hard the Road,\u201d BYU devotional address, 18 January 1983.<\/p>\n Dallin H. Oaks, \u201cAdversity,\u201d BYU devotional address, 17 January 1995.<\/p>\n Dennis E. Simmons, \u201cBut If Not . . .<\/a> ,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 2004, 73\u201375.<\/p>\n Lance B. Wickman, \u201cBut If Not<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 2002, 30\u201332.<\/p>\n Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life\u2019s Greatest Lesson<\/i> (New York: Doubleday, 1997).<\/p>\n C. Bren\u00e9 Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You\u2019re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are<\/i> (Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden, 2010).<\/p>\n David D. Burns, When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life<\/i> (New York: Broadway Books, 2006). (For anxiety.)<\/p>\n David D. Burns, The Feeling Good Handbook: Using the New Mood Therapy in Everyday Life<\/i> (New York: William Morrow, 1989). (For depression.)<\/p>\n Viktor E. Frankl, Man\u2019s Search for Meaning<\/i> (Boston: Beacon Press, 2006).<\/p>\n Jeffrey R. Holland, \u201cCast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence,\u201d BYU devotional address, 2 March 1999.<\/p>\n Jeffrey R. Holland, \u201cLike a Broken Vessel<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 2013, 40\u201342.<\/p>\n Jeffry H. Larson, \u201cWhat Do You Expect?: A Key to Personal Happiness,\u201d BYU devotional address, 14 July 2009.<\/p>\n Brigham Young University, \u201cEnriched Environment,\u201d multicultural.byu.edu\/content\/enriched-environment.<\/p>\n Larry EchoHawk, \u201cAn Unexpected Gift,\u201d BYU devotional address, 7 August 2007.<\/p>\n The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, \u201cRace and the Priesthood,\u201d lds.org\/topics\/race-and-the-priesthood.<\/p>\n G\u00e9rald Causs\u00e9, \u201cYe Are No More Strangers<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 2013, 49\u201351.<\/p>\n Bruce C. Hafen, \u201cLove Is Not Blind: Some Thoughts for College Students on Faith and Ambiguity,\u201d BYU devotional address, 9 January 1979.<\/p>\n Jeffrey R. Holland, \u201cCast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence,\u201d BYU devotional address, 2 March 1999.<\/p>\n Dieter F. Uchtdorf, \u201cThe Reflection in the Water,\u201d CES devotional address, 1 November 2009.<\/p>\n Dallan R. Moody, \u201cWhat Happens When Life Gets One Degree Colder?\u201d BYU devotional address, 6 March 2012.<\/p>\n Dallin H. Oaks, \u201cTiming,\u201d BYU devotional address, 29 January 2002.<\/p>\n Boyd K. Packer, \u201cThe Edge of the Light,\u201d BYU Today, <\/i>March 1991, 22\u201324, 38\u201343.<\/p>\n Virginia H. Pearce, \u201cFaith Is the Answer<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 1994, 92\u201394.<\/p>\n James E. Faust, \u201cThe Healing Power of Forgiveness<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 2007, 67\u201369.<\/p>\n Jeffrey R. Holland, \u201cRemember Lot\u2019s Wife,\u201d BYU devotional address, 13 January 2009.<\/p>\n David E. Sorensen, \u201cForgiveness Will Change Bitterness to Love<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 2003, 10\u201312.<\/p>\n David A. Bednar, \u201cIn the Strength of the Lord,\u201d BYU\u2013Idaho devotional address, 8 January 2002.<\/p>\n D. Todd Christofferson, \u201cGive Us This Day Our Daily Bread,\u201d CES devotional address, 9 January 2011.<\/p>\n Henry B. Eyring, \u201cCome unto Christ,\u201d BYU fireside address, 29 October 1989.<\/p>\n Gordon B. Lindsay, \u201cAnd Always Remember Him,\u201d BYU devotional address, 26 July 2005.<\/p>\n Truman G. Madsen, \u201cThe Savior, the Sacrament, and Self-Worth,\u201d BYU Women\u2019s Conference address, 1999.<\/p>\n Boyd K. Packer, \u201cThe Balm of Gilead<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 1977, 59\u201361.<\/p>\n Elaine S. Marshall, \u201cLearning the Healer\u2019s Art,\u201d BYU devotional address, 8 October 2002.<\/p>\n Dale E. Miller, \u201cBringing Peace and Healing to Your Soul<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 2004, 12\u201314.<\/p>\n Dallin H. Oaks, \u201cHe Heals the Heavy Laden<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>November 2006, 6\u20139.<\/p>\n Julie B. Beck, \u201cTeaching the Doctrine of the Family,\u201d broadcast address to seminary and institute of religion teachers, 4 August 2009; published in Our Homes, Our Families section, Ensign,<\/i> March 2011, 12\u201317.<\/p>\n David A. Bednar, \u201cMarriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,\u201d Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting: Supporting the Family, 11 February 2006; published in Ensign, <\/i>June 2006, 82\u201387.<\/p>\n F. Burton Howard, \u201cEternal Marriage<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 2003, 92\u201394.<\/p>\n Susan M. Johnson, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love<\/i> (New York: Little, Brown, 2008).<\/p>\n Richard B. Miller, \u201cRepentance and Forgiveness in Marriage,\u201d BYU devotional address, 19 January 2010.<\/p>\n Russell M. Nelson, \u201cNurturing Marriage<\/a>,\u201d Ensign, <\/i>May 2006, 36\u201338.<\/p>\n James M. Harper, \u201cSecret Shame: Isolation from Self,\u201d a talk given at the 2003 BYU Cyber Secrets conference, Cyber Secrets: The Problem of Pornography, 18 February 2003, youtube.com\/watch?v=kzNKTOPVKZM.<\/p>\nA Formula for Healing<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Healing<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Courage<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Action<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Grace<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Adversity\u2014How to Grow from It<\/h3>\n
Depression and Anxiety<\/h3>\n
Diversity\u2014Its Value and Worth to BYU and the Church<\/h3>\n
Doubts\u2014How to Successfully Deal with Them<\/h3>\n
Faith in Jesus Christ\u2014Trusting Him and His Plan for Us<\/h3>\n
Forgiveness<\/h3>\n
Grace\u2014Enabling and Strengthening Power from Jesus Christ<\/h3>\n
Healing<\/h3>\n
Marriage and Family\u2014The Importance of and How To<\/h3>\n
Pornography<\/h3>\n